Duuuudeee.
Nintindeo 64
Mario!

Hates me.
He ditched 4th, which is something he's never done
He wouldn't look at me today
Wave, smile, nothing.
He hates me.
=(

Complicated.
But's this feeling that you never want to go away,
where your heart beats faster but slower at the same time
where your words make sense in your head, but not when you speak them. It's when everything reminds you of them, and they're constantly on your mind. Where you feel like you can't breathe when they're not around and your world is almost crashing down around you. Where the only thing you want to do is make them laugh, to see the smile that makes them glow and brightens their eyes. To feel their arms around you, or their fingers through your hair. Love is when you're hopelessly devoted to them, and when you get a message, phone call or anything your heart beats so much faster you fear you may have a heart attack.
Love is when their smile melts your heart and weakens your knees. It's when you'd do anything in the world just to hear one word from them. One fucking word. Love is impossible to explain to those who don't feel it; and love does not come by often. I fucking hate it when someone falls in ""love"" with every god damn person they date. NO. Love isn't something to just fucking send around every where. FUCK YOU.

Love is what I feel for him.
Come home soon, Creature.

So, I'm not exactly sure what is happening with the freshman. I mean, he ignores me (almost completely) in class or in the hall ways, but after school up at yucca he's there. And I can't say he's in this just for the make-out because we don't make out BECAUSE he's always in such a hurry to leave. I'm not sure if I want to end this, or just stick it out until Creature comes home in a few months, (that is, if he ever returns) but its just, when I kiss the freshman, it feels... like right, ya know? And for those short three seconds I'm really happy. And then it's gone.


I'm getting wayyy too into this relationship thing.
And it seems like he's bored with it already....

=(

One of these days I'll show them just how much they hurt me by hurting myself.


One day...

She hurts way more than you think she does.
Saying she's dead inside is just an understatement.






Goodbye.

She's afraid of losing her friends.
She's afraid what someone else may say about her effects her friends opinion about her.
She's afraid that things may never go perfectly right; even for just one day.
She's afraid that there's not a single soul on this earth that she can pour her mind and heart out to without being judged.
She's afraid no one will listen to her.
She's afraid that she won't be taken seriously.
She's afraid and insecure about every thing.
She's afraid some people won't accept her for the way she is. (Even if she's just a bit irritating and petty *eye roll*)
She's afraid of the future.
She's afraid to live past twenty.
She's afraid she's never going to pass school and move on with her life.
She's afraid that she'll be stuck in this goddamn town forever.
She's afraid of pretty much everything.
She's afraid of being boring; though she already is.
She's afraid of being ignored
She's afraid of compliments.
She's afraid of bugs
She's afraid of failing.
She's afraid of sucess.
She's afraid to die.
She's afraid to live.

She hates how people don't see how she feels. She hates when said people don't see how they act, how they ignore her, hurt her and piss her off. Some people don't realize that her moods can change quickly. That she can go from ADHD to rip-your-head-off angry. She admits she's insecure, and that she's had her friends taken from her way too many times for her to just give up and let them go. She hates how people act like they've known someone for a long time, when they've merely known them for a few weeks, unlike years, like her. She hates how people condesend her, and put her down. She hates how she can't make a decision, or stand up for herself. She hates when people ask her for cigarettes, or when they want hers after she had just lit it (ALYX lol) She hates how there's no one in the world that she can talk to without them bitching at her. She hates how no one understands her and how her best friends think she's way too boring, annoying and insecure; because, that's how she's been most of her life, and if her friends don't like it, they don't like her. She hates being uncomfortable with everything. She hates not being able to write fun, personal papers for English, because somehow, they always wind up to him and then she can't turn it in because she sounds like a mental-freak on the rag. She hates how he never calls her, or how he never talks to her. She hates how he doesn't answer her phone calls. She hates how she's even CONSIDERING going out with someone else, because the one she's with now, loves him way too much for it to be normal. She knows he's up there, happy with someone else, sharing the bed with someone way prettier than herself. She hates how she puts on a big, stupid, fake smile so nobody asks her what's wrong; but sadly you can see it in her eyes. She hates how people point out her mistakes, her flaws and how she's not perfect. She hates how (the other) He sees nothing wrong with her when both He's can do sooo much better. She hates how her dad strongly dislikes her and she hates how she holds grudges for far too long.



But most of all, she hates herself.